A House in Mourning

Attitude liked Jack from the very first day.
This photo was taken the first day I trained Jack in my home.

The house is quiet and sullen today.  On Sunday, April 21st, 2013 Attitude, my tiny Dachshund, lost her battle with heart disease.  I woke for the first time in 10 years without my tiny girl curled up under the covers on her side of my bed.  I woke for the first time in 4 years as the owner of two dogs instead of three.  Max is quiet and watching me like I am made of glass and Dieter is depressed and sedate in his behaviors.  Today my home woke on the first morning after loosing Attitude.

Jack had arrived about 30 minutes before Emma and quickly discovered her body, which lay on the top of his crate, and sniffed it.  He'd been happy and ready to start our day when he arrived, but the moment he circled her body and got a good sniff and realized who he'd found, he lowered his head and came and laid it in my lap and just stayed there while I dripped tears on his head.

It was 8:15 AM when I finally got in touch with my vet to inform them of her passing.  I heard my voice break, again, as I told them and asked about her medication.  If I couldn't be re-embursed, could I donate it to another family whose dog needed it?  They told me how sorry they were of her loss and I thanked them and hung up and completely lost it.

Jack moved in and put his head in my lap, Max right beside him doing the same, and both waited me out.  Jack has been watching my every move since then and from time to time comes and lays his head on my lap and just stays there while I cry.  He's checked her body twice more, each time he comes straight to me and puts his head in my lap.

When Emma came in she started the game of wrestling with the other dogs and I realized it was the first time this happened and Attitude's sharp "knock it off you kids" bark would never be heard again.  Max and Jack were trying to move away and stop the game - they were still watching me closely and didn't want to play.  I scooped Emma up and took her to Attitude's body and let her smell.  In an instant Emma's head lowered and she too fell into the quiet, give Mom space, mode the adult dogs were in.

It's a quiet and sullen day today.  I chose not to train during the day.  I can't stand the thought of a kibble hitting the floor and my Little Red Vacuum not hoping off of my chair to eat it.  I can't stand the thought of training Go To Mat and not having to pick her up and put her back on my chair so the dog I am training can get on the mat.  I can't stand the thought of training and not having her trail behind me to scoop up the random kibble I drop or stopping her from racing the big dog to the kibble I tossed or even of all of the dogs hovering waiting for her to finish her meal.  It's a quiet and sullen day today.

Emma has class tonight and I will take her.  Until then, this home is in mourning and will spend the day reflecting on a small, but important, hole in our lives.

It's a quiet and sullen day today.